Lifestyle,  Personal Stories

Remember the Lessons

I hope y’all are enjoying our last week of March, it seems like it came and went so fast! But I am excited because April is my birthday month and I 26 is going to be a great year, I can feel it.

In a past post, I shared with you all what I considered to be the hardest part of wanting to be an entrepreneur thus far; a very personal view and sentiment. Today I wanted to share with you all one of the biggest mistakes I have made that I am more than ready to let go of.

In life we all make mistakes, it’s just human nature but the effect it has on those around us is what ultimately makes those mistakes difficult to overcome.

About three or so years ago I was attending an art school in California. However, for my own sanity and I guess you could say “views” on college and so forth, I decided to drop out during my junior year and never told my parents. When I did decide to come clean, the hardest part was seeing how badly my decisions had hurt them both. While, I was never given the opportunity to explain or give my reasons, to this day their reasoning behind my choice was that I had done this TO them and didn’t really love fashion as much as I claimed, which really never made sense to me and still doesn’t. This was something that they kept on the low because of family members that feel they have the right to judge when really there are more skeletons in their closet than anyone else’s, we all have those relatives. I personally don’t care what other family members think or say because I just don’t give a damn. But, I do care about what people say to my parents so I kept my mouth shut till this day.

While I continue to go to college, I will admit that I have never been one to dream about graduating from college or having that awesome college experience. I do, however, appreciate the opportunity to be able to attend college. I have always been the type of student who doesn’t have to try to get good grades, it just happens, so perhaps my way of proving myself isn’t through a college degree but through the skills I bring to the workplace and my overall dreams. The thought of a college degree is well and alive solely for my parents.

I have always tried to live up to my parents expectations and walked a straight line up to the day I made that mistake. It is hard to live up to expectations where you are not necessarily growing into your own person but forcing yourself to be the people you are constantly being compared to. Somewhere along the way I completely lost the person I was and wanted to be, it seems, at times, like I will never find her because those comparisons are always there and the need to fulfill an unrealistic expectation to please relatives outside of my immediate family is just stupid to me.

The tagline for my blog reads, “For the Renegades” because that is what I consider myself to be. I am all about walking a completely different path from those around me and if that bothers people or changes their perception of me then so be it. I am my own person, an individual and have always loved the idea of not being what others expected me to be. Growing up the way I did has made me a really mellow person and I honestly march to the beat of my own drum and have completely abandoned all expectations of me by everyone. I am not close to being the woman my parents probably expected me to be and while I know that their love for me runs deep and they have seen me breakdown numerous times and helped pick up the pieces, I will never be able to fulfill their dreams until I have fulfilled my own.

If there is anything this mistake has taught me is that, well for one, I should always be real with my parents, of course. But more than that I have learned that I should never be afraid to be who I am and who I am comfortable being. I am an artist and we are different and that is something that I should embrace rather than hide. I may not want to be a doctor or scientist and my dream career may mind fuck me and my wallet, at the end of the day it will all be worth it because I built it from the ground up out of pure raw love for fashion and my dreams.

My mistakes do not define the woman I am or am becoming but it has helped me grow. It has brought me closer to finding myself, despite the tears along the way.

xCA

 

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